I hate trying to describe this feeling.
It’s like having a crush, but all it’s fuelled by is a longing to be better friends with someone – without any sort of romantic undertones.
It’s knowing that you work well with this person. That you both see the world in a similar way and that you bring out some amazing ideas when you put your heads together, bouncing snippets between you.
There’s also the same sense of hopeless wishing for their attention. And the pang of irritation at yourself when you see others being able to connect with them in the way that you wish you could.
You want to message them. Share ideas, laugh over an inside joke or even just say “hi” and ask how their day was.
But you don’t.
You don’t know how they see you, so you don’t want to come across too clingy, or desperate or worse case scenario – push them further away.
So you dwindle on. Good friends but you’re too scared to force the connection. You remain trapped in the limbo with skies that run forever, horizonless. You still cheer-on their successes, pick them up on days when they’re trailing in the mud and encourage them to be confident in the fabulous talents they have.
But it never leaves you.
That self-pitying hopelessness that burns your fingertip before you can press ‘send’.
Please let me know if you’ve ever felt this/how you got through it…?
I hope it’s not just me.